I made a timeline of my relationship with F.B. over the years. Our relationship hasn't been the typical one, but it's been an amazing experience & adventure so far and more to come in the future.

✯ 2003 ✯

September 2003: Crossed paths online at Lindsay Fan's Forum. (Lindsay Lohan.)

✯ 2004 ✯

January 2004: Began talking at Lindsay Fan's Forum.

February 14th 2004: First "Valentines" Together. F.B. sent me a picture of roses through a pm message.

March 18th, 2004: First emails exchanged outside the forum.

March, 2004: F.B. saw a photo of me for the very first time.

April 1st, 2004: The first time we ever said, "I love you.", and defined our relationship as a couple.

April 2004: Exchanged Addresses & Phone Numbers. We called each other & sent letters that month. The Lindsay Fan forum closed. We also broke up for about a week or so because of stress, family issues & distance…

June, 2004: I saw F.B.'s photo for the very first time.

✯ 2005 ✯

February 14th 2005: Our first "official" Valentines together as a couple.

April 1st, 2005: Our 1st Anniversary.

✯ 2006 ✯ 

January, 2006: We nearly broke up again. Long distance is so hard sometimes…

February 14th, 2006: Technically our 3rd Valentines Day together.

March 17th, 2006: I bought my 1st plane ticket for the Philippines.

April 1st, 2006: Our 2nd Anniversary.

December 13th, 2006: I left for the Philippines.

December 14th, 2006: The first time we met. The first time we looked in each other's eyes. The first time we hugged & held hands.

December 15th, 2006: The first time we kissed. Our first date out to the mall- we ate at 'Tokyo Tokyo' for Japanese food. Our first movie, 'Happy Feet'. First time we "made out" at the movies- (cuddling & holding hands.)

December 18th-21st, 2006: Our first couple vacation together in Makati City. Our first kiss in public outside on the bench in Greenbelt.

December 25th, 2006: The First Christmas we spent together. F.B. gave me the ring for Christmas that would become my engagement ring.

December 27-29th, 2006: We took another couple vacation to Tagaytay City, Philippines.

✯ 2007 ✯

January 1st, 2007: Our first New Years together.

January 3rd, 2007: I had to leave the Philippines to go home… that was the hardest thing I ever did… (I miss you baby).

January 10th, 2007: The day we got engaged!

April 1st, 2007: Our 3rd Anniversary.

March 2007: Bought my plane ticket for the Philippines!

✯ 2008 ✯

January 2nd, 2008: I left for the Philippines.

January 3rd, 2008: I arrive in the Philippines.

January 7th, 2008: We arrive in Makati City to spend a week. (A special date for us that we won't forget.)

January 10th, 2008: We share our 1 year engagement anniversary together in Makati City and get to go to Saisaki buffet.

January 11th, 2008: We see our first play together at Greenbelt in Makati City. 'Tuesday's with Morrie'

January 20th, 2008: We went to see a Philippine Basketball Game together at the Cuneta Astrodome. Our first sports game together.

January 24th, 2008: I return home from the Philippines.

March 10th, 2008: I buy another ticket to the Philippines. Staying 8 weeks this time!

April 1st, 2008: Our 4th Anniversary.

October 6th, 2008: I leave for the Philippines for an 8 week stay.

October 7th, 2008: I arrive in Philippines. F.B. gives me a red rose.

October 9th, 2008: I get to spend F.B.'s birthday with him and his family. Saisaki Buffet!

November 16th, 2008: For F.B.'s dad's birthday we take a family trip to Baguio for the day.

November 27th, 2008: I celebrate "Thanksgiving" in the Philippines with F.B.

December 4th, 2008: I arrive home from the Philippines

✯ 2009 ✯ 

January 10th, 2009: Our 2 year engagement.

April 1st, 2009: Our 5 year anniversary.

November 24, 2009: I leave for the Philippines

December 19, 2009: F.B. & I were married!

December 19th-21st 2009: Our Honeymoon!

December 25th, 2009: Our first Christmas as a married couple.

✯ 2010 ✯ 

January 1st, 2010: Our First New Years, married!

January 19th, 2010: Our 1st Monthiversary!

January 23rd, 2010: I leave the Philippines.

April 1st, 2010: Our 6 year anniversary!

✯ 2011 ✯ 

February 4th, 2011: F.B.'s visa interview at the US Embassy in Manila. His visa is approved to come to the USA!

March 6th, 2011: F.B. arrived in Philadelphia, PA!

April 1st, 2011: Seven Year Anniversary!

July 4th, 2011: F.B.'s 1st Independence Day in the USA

Aug 31st- Sept 1st, 2011: Our Philadelphia Getaway

September 4th, 2011: The 1st birthday F.B. spent with me.

October 9th, 2011: F.B.'s 1st birthday in the USA

October 30th, 2011: F.B.'s 1st Halloween in the USA

December 9th, 2011: F.B. & I get our own place.

December 19th, 2011: 2 Year anniversary!

December 25th, 2011: 1st Christmas in the USA.

✯ 2012 ✯  

January 1st, 2012: 1st New Years in the USA. 

February 14th, 2012: Our 1st Valentines Day together!  

March 6th, 2012: F.B.'s 1 year anniversary in the USA  

April 1st, 2012: 8 year anniversary!

October 9th, 2012: F.B.'s 2nd birthday in the USA.

November 2012: 1st Thanksgiving in our new place & starting immigration again.

December 19th, 2012: Our 3rd Wedding Anniversary

December 25th 2012: 2nd Christmas in our apartment.

✯ 2013 ✯  

January 2013: 2nd New Years Eve in our apartment.

March 6th, 2013: F.B.'s 2 year anniversary in the USA. 

April 1st 2013: It's been 9 years since F.B. & I started dating.

May 2013: Immigration is finished! 
October 9th, 2013: F.B.'s 3rd birthday in the USA.

December 19th, 2013: Our 4th Wedding Anniversary

✯ 2014 ✯  

January 2014: 3rd New Years Eve in our apartment.

March 6th, 2014: F.B.'s 3 year anniversary in the USA. 



(I'll try to keep this up to date by adding in new things from time to time.)

December 14th, 2006 I arrived in the Philippines for the first time. I was scared to death. It was the first time I had been out of the United States. It was the first time I'd ever traveled alone. My flight had taken me from Philadelphia to Chicago. Chicago to Hong Kong- Hong Kong to the Philippines. A 24 hour flight all together. I arrived in Manila a little after midnight on the 14th.

When I pulled my suitcase out to the waiting area. There was F.B. & his Mother waiting for me in the crowd of people. His Mom was holding a purple banner with my name on it. It was the first time F.B. & I were face to face. We gave each other a hug and my first words to him were, "You're not so short!" See what happens when your brain is sleep deprived!? He always cracks up when I remind him of the first words I spoke to him in person. (It really wasn't a big deal though. I'm 5'6" he's 5'3") He gave me white roses when I got to the car and waiting at his house was a stuffed monkey I named 'Mr. Unggoy'. (Monkey in Tagalog.)

Blog Flashback: Got to the Philippines on 12-14-06. After a lonnnng flight. About 25 hours in total. I was pretty nervous at all the airports... the Chicago airport was pretty small. But I was scared to death in Hong Kong... that airport is HUGE! I had to ask for directions. I had to take this funny shuttle thing to the check in area. And then they didn't put a gate number on my ticket & I had to go look on the board to find it, and at first it was in Chinese. But then it changed to English. Got to Manila airport around 11pm. And met my boyfriend & his mother at the airport.
3 years into the relationship and we had finally met. After all the roller coasters in our relationship we were finally together. The first night we were together we hugged alot. And we shared our first 3 kisses that night as well. We couldn't believe we were actually together after all this time. It was a little weird at first being together in person, after talking online, through letters & the phone for so long. But things fell into place. We got along so well in person, we were best friends. We felt so comfortable around each other. For our first date. F.B. took me to the mall near his house. We ate at 'Tokyo Tokyo' and I tried Sushi for the first time. Then we got to see our first movie together, 'Happy Feet'.

I stayed for 3 weeks in the Philippines. We got to spend Christmas and New Years together. (On Christmas I was given my ring- though we hadn't decided on getting engaged just then.) We stayed a few days alone in Makati City and a few days alone up in Tagaytay City seeing the Taal Volcano. We had such a good time. It was so hard to say goodbye. I left the Philippines, January 3rd, 2007. When I was standing in line to check in for my flight I got a text message from F.B. saying to look behind me. He was able to watch me through the windows of the airport and would walk along when I did, waving to me until I had to pass through customs... and board my plane...

Some pictures from my first trip to the Philippines:



















































Blog Flash Back: 12-16-2006

Got to the Philippines on 12-14-06. After a lonnnng flight. About 25 hours in total. I was pretty nervous at all the airports... the Chicago airport was pretty small. But I was scared to death in Hong Kong... that airport is HUGE! I had to ask for directions. I had to take this funny shuttle thing to the check in area. And then they didn't put a gate number on my ticket & I had to go look on the board to find it, and at first it was in Chinese. But then it changed to English. Got to Manila airport around 11pm. Went through customs, got my luggage & went outside. There were a tonnnn of people... I was so nervous. F's mom had made a purple banner with 'Sarah' on it, so I could find them, and I saw F. & Gave him a hug and said, "You're not so short!"

The next day F & I went to a mall near his house. It was 5 levels. And huge!!! Lot's of people. We stopped and walked around a supermarket in the mall. We also had Japanese for lunch & I tried sushi. Then F & I saw the movie 'Happy Feet'. Lol. But it was just okay.

Today we just hung out around his house. And tomorrow we are going to church. And Monday we are off to Makati City for 4 days. That's about it for now.

We talk about the future alot and what might happen. We talk about meeting for the first time. We talk about F.B. coming to stay with his relatives in Virginia after graduation. We talk about getting married someday. We talk about having kids and our own house. We don't really know what the future is going to bring for us. What we do know, is that we love eachother, and we will make things happen someday.

I agree with the whole marriage thing. It doesn't really have to be expensive or something. But I'm definitely not gonna get you one of those gumball rings. LoL! Silver rings would be nice though and it would be interesting to get married on April Fools day. hehe! And I'm cool with the Justice of the peace thing.....anyway, what's important is that you're gonna be married to the one you love. I love you, F.B.

I still haven't done the marriage vow thingie though. I mean, I've written it already, just didn't deliver the speech just yet. I think that'll be next week though. It's not really much but most of it is really my own words and I just added a few things off the internet. And of course, it was you who I had in my mind when I was writing it. So here it is baby, I'll just type it up for you here for you to see. I'll just underline the stuff I got from the internet. Here goes...

I love you...no better words describe what I feel for you. I thank the Lord for bringing you into my life. You are such a blessing. You are a gift from above...You are my friend, my love...my angel. Thank you for just being you. Thank you for all the love that you give to me. You are such an inspiration. You make me want to be a better person. And I love the way that you love me. I need your love...I need you. I thank that Lord for binding our lives together. I feel so blessed to have found you.

I promise to be there for you...When you're sad, I'll be there to put a smile on your face. When you cry, I'll be there to wipe your tears. When you're feeling down, I'll be there to comfort you. And when no one seems to understand, I'll be there to listen...I promise to care for you, honor you, and protect you. I lay down my life for you. I give you all that I have. I give you my friendship, my trust and my support...I give you all of my love. And as we enter this life together, I pledge my love and faith to you for as long as I live.

Well, that's about it baby. Whatcha think? I'll probably be delivering that speech on Monday or so...Anyway, I hope you get my letter soon baby. Maybe you'll get it during the weekend. That would be so nice. I miss you baby. I look forward to our date on Saturday. Btw, my mom, sis and I will be having some breakfast buffet on Father's day. Just wanted my girl to know. Have a nice weekend baby...I love you. *mwah* -F.B.

I'm glad you like my marriage vow thingie. I guess I did take that a bit personally. LoL! I did think about you a lot when I was writing that. And I pray that someday I'd get to do those things for you...I'll probably be delivering that speech tomorrow morning in my speech class. And don't worry baby, I won't wear any axe. LoL! I don't think the girls in school would want a dork like me though. That's why sometimes I wonder why you love me. hehe. I love you, F.B.
Hi girlfriend ko. I miss you. I finally got that marriage vow thingie done. It went ok, I guess. Like I said, it's just reading in front of the class anyway. When I was reading it though, I had this certain feeling that I couldn't explain. It was weird. haha. I guess it's cuz I really do have these feelings for you and that the vow thingie was kinda personal to me. hehe...I'm really glad you like it baby. *mwah* I love you, F.B.
We sometimes talk about being married and having a family. At one point we picked out names.

FB: kids, eh......I bet they'd be cute
SARAH: lol.... haha- can I have the soap now though, I think I may need it...
FB: Nevaeh
SARAH: Haha! Aw! You spelt it right. :-)
FB: I did.....woohoo
SARAH: You mean Emily Nevaeh
SARAH: What about Christopher James Matthew? Good lord... this kid will have a name as long as yours if I keep adding on...
SARAH: you know why I picked Christopher right?
FB: because of me
SARAH: yes because of your name. :-)
FB: We could call him CJ. LoL!
SARAH: Hee hee, that's cute.
FB: HOLY CRAP! I said "we" Haha!
SARAH: Yeah you did... isn't that funny. It's funny- but feels right. When I think about things, I always think in terms of 'us' lol. I can't help it...I love you
FB: I love you too
I was just saying- it would be nice to have another middle name- before of after Nevaeh- but then when you came up with that initial idea the other day- but I couldn't find anything I really liked. And then you said something about Z- did it stand for Zoe- (in the initial ideas I had) and I said- no. And said something about your mom's name, and then you said Zen- and at first I thought you meant for initials- Z.E.N. but then I really liked that. Because that would be her initials- but also the first three letters of her first name... we could call her a bunch of things. Zen, Z, Emily, Emmy, Em... etc. I really do like it alot... :-)

Christopher James Matthew (CJ)
Zenaida Emily Nevaeh (Zen)

Whatcha think? This is so funny, I can't believe we are picking out names.... LOL. I love you, Sarah

CJ and Zen.....very nice names you've picked out there, Ms. Clydesdale. I love 'em. I love. *mwah* I love you, -F.B.

You don't like Zenaida Emily Nevaeh? I think it sounds pretty actually, I mean for a little girl- it's a big long name- but you know we could call her Z.E.N. haha, or Emily, or Emmy. Zen & CJ.... I dunno.... I'm kinda liking this.... the things you make me think... -Sarah

I like Zenaida Emily Nevaeh, it's just that I thought you wanted the name to be before or after Nevaeh.....Zen does sound nice though. I like it. -F.B.

I'll be teaching you and the kids tagalog stuff. Hehe! That oughtta be fun. Mahal kita. *mwah* Then we could teach' em to spell, being "duh spelchekerr" and all......Zen, spell Pennsylvania. Haha! Ya know, sometimes I still have to look at that thing's spelling when I send you letters. The double n kinda confuzzles me. LoL!

I think I've mentioned to Mom about the names before....I don't remember exactly. But I do remember asking her if she already had names picked out when she was still single. And she said no- she didn't start until she and Dad got together. Anyway, if we got married- I think you should call her Mom or whatever Mom type name you wanna call her. LoL! -F.B.
We've been talking about what will happen after his graduation. Recently, I decided I was going to start saving up, to be with him on his graduation.

I'm not really sure of what I'll be doing after I graduate. But it would be nice to get something computer related. Something that maybe I could use the stuff I studied in Computer Science. I think that would be really cool. Ya know, call centers are pretty popular around here nowadays. It's pretty much about marketing and stuff. But I don't think I could be the phone guy. LoL! I'm sorry about before. I did feel that I upset you with that reply. And though you said I didn't, I still feel I did...somehow. I can be a stupid dork sometimes and I'm really sorry. Anyway, I think it would be nice if I could visit there before I graduate. Maybe visit some relatives and visit you too. That would be nice. It's true though that I'd be nervous cuz I wanna be perfect for you but I'm just me...the quiet silly dork. LoL! I love you, F.B.

That graduation idea does seem so nice baby. That would be so special to have you to share it with on that special day. And if you were around here, I bet you could just stay at our house. That would be nice. And I'll be a good boy...promise. LoL! I hope everything works out with my classes and stuff. I do wanna graduate soon. Ya know, my sister will be graduating soon. I don't know exactly when but I think she'll be graduating from college before I do. That's nice and all and I'm happy for her...She's a smart girl. But that makes me feel bad somehow too. Cuz it just makes me realize that I coulda finished my studies already if I just took things seriously before and didn't cut classes and stuff. *sigh* I was a bad boy baby...Do you still love me? I love you, F.B.
Ahhhhh! I'm so excited to come see you for your graduation, hee hee. It's all I can think about. I love our couple vacation idea. And I think we should go to Tagaytay! We can sightsee and spend time together, alone as a couple. Since I know your mommy is gonna make you sleep in her room, so I can have your room, while I'm staying. hee hee. Oh baby! That'll be just so nice though! Spending time together alone. You can drive me around, and we can take pictures of all the pretty palm trees and stuff. And we can spend lots of alone time in our room, hee hee. *mwah* Sooooo looking forward to spending some time with my boyfriend, and getting to kiss him, and be close to him. I love you, Sarah

That vacation thing does sound nice baby and I do think about that lotsa times too. There's definitely lotsa places to stay at Tagaytay. My mom mentioned something about Boracay since we do have relatives around there...my aunt and uncle who used to live in Modesto. She also said that if Dad wasn't around when you come here, you could sleep with her in their room. haha. But I just said I'd give you my room instead. I love you, F.B.

You'd give up your room for me, awww. You're sucha sweetie. I love you so much. I wish I hadn't been stubborn about wanting to come see you... and just wanting you to come see me... I could have been saving long before this. *sigh* Oh well. It'll all work out. I love you, I wanna be with you, Sarah
Well... I have to tell you the unusual thing that happened today. When I got to work, Virginia was acting all mysterious and telling me to look in my desk drawer. And I didn't end up doing it until 9 o' clock break. So I find a card envelope in there, and I open it up, and there's all this cash in there, and this little letter from her. And it said something like this is for your trip, to help you out more towards your goal and to use for your flight expenses. She wanted me to either put it in a CD at the bank to get some interest, or in my savings. So she was out on her break and I didn't even look to see how much she'd given me, I went to talk to Ike about it... because I'm not really comfortable taking money from people, even if it's a gift. Unless it's family, or super close friends. So I wrote her a note back, saying that it was thoughtful and everything, but I couldn't really accept something like that. And that I have 16-8 months to save up the money for the trip, and I'll be able to do it, it will just take some time. And I left the envelope and note on her desk. So she read it, and started getting kinda offended about it (that's Virginia!) and she was like, "Well if you don't take it, I'll just get your social security number off your time sheet, and go to the bank and put it away for you myself!" LOL! I'm like, I can save the money for the trip, it'll take awhile, but I can do it. And she's like, "But this would get you a little closer, and give you some more security."

Then she started talking about her husband. (Her husband died when he was in his 30's from a heart attack. And her 3 boys are real jerks towards her, they don't live with her anymore and are really mean to her, maybe they blame her for their dad dying, I don't really know. They are just troublemakers, in and out of jail, and never even get their mother birthday presents or anything.) So, she was saying, she remembers being how it was when she met her husband and she says there was fireworks when they kissed for the first time and how they really loved eachother and how they were meant for eachother, and how when he died she lost a part of herself along with him. And she said, she just wants to give someone else a chance to have some happiness, like she had when she was with her husband, and a chance to meet that someone special... which made me wanna cry, haha. And she's like, "Will you just think about taking, it please, it'll make me happy. And all I want is for your to send me a postcard when you get there, or take a picture of the two of you." LOL! I still feel sorta uncomfortable, but I took it, and she was really happy all day, lol. I put it in my savings account.

But... she gave me alot of money F! She gave me $250.00... that's alot alot of money. I can't believe that. I think I'll buy her a pair of new headphones tomorrow, because her old ones were acting up today,lol. I mean what else can I do? I already wrote her a little thank you note at work, and wrote 'Salamat' that's thank you in my boyfriends language, and I'll send you a postcard and picture. And she was really insulted when I tried to give it back to her, she's kinda stubborn, lol. I dunno baby that was awful thoughtful. What did I do to deserve that? I love you, and I want to be with you baby, I do, I do, I do. I wouldn't ever wanna settle for someone less. I want you, I need you, and I love you. And you know I understand you, and you understand me, and there's no one that could understand us like we understand eachother. And you love me, and I love you. I don't want anyone else, but you. I love you, Sarah

That's really nice what Virginia did. She gave you $250. Wow! That's a lot baby. It's good that you took it though, cuz she probably would've felt bad if you didn't. haha. I know I'd feel bad if I gave someone a gift and they wouldn't take it. So that's good baby. That's really nice of her though. Tell her I said "Salamat" too. You mean so much to me. You're my best friend, my girlfriend, my angel. You're always in my prayers. Take care and God bless. I miss you. I love you Sarah. *mwah* F.B.
I was thinking... it's not up to fate, it's up to us. It's our decision with where we want to take things with us, and if we say, "I want to be with you." Then we can make it happen, no doubt about it. And we will make it happen. I love you, Sarah

I agree- a time will come that it's just gonna happen. We're gonna make it happen. You'll be there for me and I'll be there for you. I love you, Sarah, F.B.

I've been raised Christian all my life. I've was always taught, I should marry a Christian. F.B. is Catholic. We both believe in the same God. We both believe in Jesus is the son of God. There are major & minor differences in our religions. But faith has always been an important part of our relationship and something that attracted me to F.B. in the first place.

Hi Sarah! How are you? Mass is at 10:30 a.m. I woke up around 9, had some breakfast and went to church with my Mom and sis. That was Sunday, of course. I was at school today and during my free time, I thought I'd do some reading. So I sat around and started reading. I noticed people looking. What was I reading?.....My Bible. I thought I'd catch up on stuff. Haven't read for quite some time. I guess they just aren't used to seeing someone read the Bible around school. Some guy actually came up to me and asked what my religion was. Smile, Sarah. No worries.
I'll see ya when I see ya. Take care, God bless. F.B.

Hey F.B. ,That's so awesome. I used to take my bible to work last year. And I'd read it once in awhile at lunch or a break, or whenever I needed to look up a verse. But I haven't taken it there this year, because it feels like this year has been busier, and there's never enough time to read. So I have to do that at church, or at home (when I remember, I'm bad at that sometimes...) Talk to ya L8R, God bless, Sarah

I hear you about Christmas, Sarah. People just tend to forget that, what will all the gifts and stuff. I mean, I went to mass just before Christmas Eve last year and the choir was singing "Happy Birthday to You", then I heard a woman behind me asking "Who's birthday is it?" I was kinda peeved by that.....Anyway, I grew up with the Santa Claus thing too (Kinda weird since we don't have any chimneys around here. LoL!) Take care, F.B.

Earlier in our relationship, I found out F.B. was reading through the bible on his own, I asked if I could read along with him, and we would read through a few chapters in the bible together everyday. We even memorized a bible verse that really applied to us:

1 Corinthians 13:4-7: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

F.B. and I had never really had any talks about the differences in our religions, until I decided to email him about it.

"Sarah Lynn C." wrote: Hey baby, I wanted to have a talk about religion, and about the differences in our religion. So, I’ll share with you what I believe & my church believes, and then you can send me back an email with everything that you believe & your thoughts. I think it’s important that we do discuss the differences because they are there.

Hmmm…. I guess I’ll talk about what I believe first, in my faith as a Christian. I believe that Jesus died on the cross, and rose again- to forgive me for my sins & to give me everlasting life, when I die in heaven. But I didn’t always have that salvation… it was a gift that I had to accept. Meaning, when I was younger I didn’t really understand everything- so it actually wasn’t until I was in my teens, that Jason & I talked about being saved in his office, because I didn’t actually think I was- because I had been very young, and not understanding fully what that meant. So yeah…we prayed about it that day, and from then on I’ve been 100% sure that I am saved. I was also baptized when I was a baby at my grandparents church. But my church actually believes & the bible teaches, baptism should come after accepting salvation. So I was actually baptized again when I was…. 18? 19? Wow… I forget, I’m old! Also, salvation isn’t earned. Meaning, that even if I live out my whole life doing good things for other people, that still isn’t going to get me into heaven. Even if I follow all the 10 Commandments, that still isn’t enough to get me into heaven. All the praying, attending every service of church, still- won’t get me into heaven. We are supposed to do those things- because they are taught in the bible. And God wants us to go to church, and pray, and follow the commandments, and do good works. But- that’s not necessary or even vital for getting into heaven. There’s only one way into heaven. And that’s by acknowledging Jesus died, and rose again- as a sacrifice for all humankind, to forgive us of our sins, and give us eternal life.

Also which might be of importance. At least as a Christian, when I pray I pray to God, or Jesus (which are really one in the same anyway) Same with when I need to confess any sins… which is every stinking day… lol. Because as humans- we are sinners… and well we are not perfect. But we just get back up again, and try again, and strive for the prize. (Philippians 3:12-14) Still, that doesn’t matter, because I am saved, and I can never ever lose my salvation. It was a gift. Jesus is not an Indian giver. He doesn’t give you a gift, just to take it away again, lol. (Romans 8:38-39)

Pastor Mike said something interesting about that once. He said something about- and these are from notes I took on a Sunday morning a few months ago. If you can lose your salvation when you sin- then as soon as you got saved- you would lose your salvation within minutes. (Because as sinful people, we are always thinking, doing or saying something.) And if you could lose your salvation, then Jesus would have to die on the cross AGAIN. Which would make a mockery of what Christ did in the first place. If you can lose your salvation you have no hope. I’m a preachy little sucker… haha. But I’m not preaching, so please don’t think I am. I’m just sharing with you what I believe, and you will also have the chance to do so. I love you, Sarah

Wow! That's a long e-mail. LoL! Ya know, I never really thought that much about our differences in religion. I mean, I know there are differences but we do believe in the same God. So it never really was something I thought much of. But don't worry baby, I'll share my thoughts on that. Well, like you I believe that Jesus is my savior. Though Catholics do have Saints and pray to Mother Mary through the rosary and other stuff. We have this Filipino Saint....Lorenzo Ruiz. And we actually have the child Jesus as a Saint around here and he's called Nino(it's my name.hehe). My Mom told me they stopped calling me that when I became more naughty(just a little) as a kid. LoL!

When I pray, I pray to God. I don't remember me praying to Mother Mary, though as a family we did pray the rosary. I wonder, do you do the sign of the cross? Cuz that's something we do when we attend mass on church during Sundays or just pray. Though sometimes I feel there's really no need to do that. I mean, just talk to God. And we do have the Holy Week which is pretty much a holiday around here.....We did the "Visit Iglesia" sometime this year for that. Remember, I told you about that where we visit 7 churches to pray. That leads to Resurrection Sunday or Easter Sunday. And I know that we feel the same way about Christmas. That I feel that it should be more about Jesus Christ's birth. People seem to forget that. We should definitely teach our kids about the true essence of Christmas.

Anyway, there was a time in my life that I didn't believe in God, sometime around my late teens. I just felt so alone. But I dunno what happened....one day, I just said to myself- I believe in God. And here I am.....and I don't feel alone anymore and I know that when times get hard, God's there to listen to my prayers. And I thank Him for whatever blessings I receive, especially for bringing you into my life.
I like this verse from the Bible......Matthew 7:13-14 (The Narrow Gate) "Go in through the narrow gate, because the gate to hell is wide and the road that leads to it is easy, and there are many who travel it. But the gate to life is narrow and the way that leads to it is hard, and there are a few people who find it."

I know that life isn't perfect. It sucks sometimes. LoL! But I know that the trials and the problems that we have are just stuff that God knows we can handle. And they're like a way to lighten the burden that Jesus carries for us. And whenever I do "fail", it's just a way that God says- "This is not for you F". Or whenever I pray for something and it never comes, it's probably not the right time yet or God may have another plan for me.....Am I making sense here? I'm really not that theological. hehe. I hope you feel better soon. Take care. God bless. I love you Sarah. *mwah* F.B.

Hey boy ko, it doesn't matter if you aren't "theological" Or, "philosophical"- as I call myself when I get into a deep/thoughtful or spiritual mood, lol. Ya know, you wrote your thoughts down and it came from the heart, and I appreciate that we do get to talk about things. And I just thought we ought to talk about this because we never really have talked about the differences, and it was something I wanted to talk about. I also appreciate the fact that you are so understanding. That you take the time to listen to what I have to say, and even when you do reply you are still thoughtful and understanding in your replies to me. You're always patient, and understanding, and I am blessed to have you in my life.

I know that was a long email, haha. It's so funny... when I get started I can't stop myself, and bible verses fly out of my memory, not in full- but in bit's and pieces, and I either keyword search on the online bible, or look for the highlighted passages in my bible. No... I don't and we don't do the sign of the cross when we pray. We just bow our heads, etc. And like you said, talk to God, or Jesus.

What is the rosary? Now... I've heard of those beads... called rosary beads. You know... a girl I worked with at the shoe store gave me some purple plastic rosary beads with a plastic cross on them, and to this day I still carry them in my purse- mostly as a reminder of my faith. My boss at the shoe store. He was sucha nice guy! And I loved working there... but I think- well, I'm almost certain my boss was an Atheist. He didn't believe in God, he didn't believe in any religion or faith at all. He had sort of a problem when I would wear my cross necklace to work... one time I had been writing bible verses down, cuz I was bored and Pastor Mike had me memorizing them for counseling, and I accidentally left the paper at work, and he had a talk with us all about how he didn't like that kind of stuff. He also, didn't like that I wouldn't work Sunday's, because I had to be at church. There was the time we all had name badges, and all of girls were just drawing little designs on ours. I remember, I drew a heart a smilie, a flower, and a cross on mine. We drew on the backs, where customers wouldn't even see. When I came into work the next day, my badge was gone, and my boss had a talk with me and said he didn't like religious symbols of any kind. I worked with alot of people younger than me. I don't wanna say they were messed up- let's say they had some "problems" Alot of underage drinking, and drug use. And they always commented how I didn't curse, or go out partying or drink or any of that stuff. And I kinda always felt, like they made fun of me when it came to that. But then one evening Barb, the one girl I worked with said, "Sarah, I have something for you." And I thought she meant trash, cuz we were emptying the trashcans around the time the store was closing. And I was like, "Oh what it is." And then she handed me the plastic purple rosary beads... and I just thought that was so awesome. I did tell her, as a Christian, I didn't use them. But it was so awesome, because I never felt like I made any difference with my faith... so yeah... lol. I carry them in my purse to this day, as a reminder of my faith.

I can understand about not really accepting things until your late teens- because I definitely had a similar experience. I was 15 years old when Chrissy dragged- yes dragged me out to her churches youth group. I was pretty unexcepting about it... I mean I had been raised as a Christian- but I don't think you really begin to understand what it is all about until you are in your teens, and you are able to make the decision on your own, and able to form your own opinions. So yes, dragged me she did, and I wasn't too open about it. I'm like, "Oh... another church thing- this will be boring." And... it wasn't, haha. Youth group was so crazy and so much fun. I loved the time I was involved in my churches youth group- and that really set the foundation for my faith in Jesus Christ, and in God.

Yes... you understand my Christmas dilemma, lol. And how I've always felt it's too commercialized, and how it's all about the gifts, and "Santa" etc. And I'd always felt it should be more about Jesus. It's the time we celebrate his birth... and not too many think about that too much. My mom always makes a birthday cake in honor of Christ's birth. We've done that, since I was little. But I still always felt in my own home, it was still too much about getting the gifts, and "Santa" And those things are okay... but that's not what Christmas is about. And when I do have kids- if we have kids, I do want to really put the focus back on Christ during Christmas. ("Christ"-mas).

Yeah, we have Palm Sunday, Good Friday, (Or is that the other way around? No matter, lol.) And then Easter Sunday or Resurrection Sunday, as Pastor Mikes like to refer to it at my church. What about communion? Our church has communion once a month. Just to take time to reflect on Jesus' death and resurrection. A time to come together as a church, and also to pray, repent sins, etc. I like my church... nice and simple when it comes to communion, because they pass out the little cups... of grape juice, representing the blood Jesus spilled, when he was crucified, and the little cracker type things, representing his body that was broken, for our sins. Also I think I said, once that Pastor Mike said, The reason Christian crosses, don't depict Jesus on the cross, is because He isn't on the cross anymore.

Life is most definitely hard. Life is never going to be easy... life does sucks sometimes. Life also has it's wonderful moments and memories. But going through bad times, makes us just that more grateful of the good times & our blessings. And also makes us stronger, because through the bad times our faith is tested and strengthened. And yeah... I'm never alone. Because I know He'll never leave me. And I also like that verse you mentioned. I also agree with you, when you talked about praying for something, and maybe it wasn't God's will, or the right timing in your life. Or if something happens, maybe that's not what God has planned for your life. I do that alot. If I miss something- maybe it was for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. Look, I was flipping through my bible, and came across more notes from a Sunday morning, where Pastor Mike had said: "When God gives us a task to do, He doesn't say it will be easy. Be faithful & do it, and then you will see the blessings."

Anyway, this is getting long again. I'm glad that we talk about things, and discuss things, and communicate. And our faith in God is what brought us together, but I also just wanted to discuss and talk about the differences that are there in our religions. I also thank you for always being so understanding and patient, and supportive of me. And I love you so very much, Sarah Lynn

Hi baby. Aw, thank you for all the nice things you say about me. hehe.....You make me feel so special. *mwah*.....It's so true though that our faith brought us together somehow, and I do admire your faith and your theological ness (new word. LoL!).
I'm glad we're doing this Bible thing. I always kinda wanted to read through it but never really had the patience. I remember starting reading it for a while and then I stopped again. And then just before I met you, I started reading it again, though I really had no schedule. I'd just read whenever I felt like it. But now that you're there reading along with me, I just feel much more motivated to get read my chapters. I'm quite amazed that we've reached the New Testament already. It seemed so far away a few months ago. Anyway, it's nice that we get to do this kinda things together.

Well, rosaries are those bead thingies with a cross.....they kinda look like necklaces. First has one dangling from his mirror thingie. You use 'em to pray the rosary, which is basically a 15-minute prayer. Those beads represent The "Hail Mary" prayer, which you repeat over, and over going through the beads all around the rosary. It's kinda tough to explain in e-mail. But I can show you how it's done sometime. LoL!

As for communion, we have that every Sunday in our mass at church. But mostly it's just the cracker thingies(as you call 'em. LoL!) that we use. Sometimes they are dipped into wine. And you'd have to fall in line for communion.....I haven't had communion in a while though, come to think of it. Anyway, in the mass we have 2 readings, the homily(sermon), offertory, communion, and blessing. Take care. God bless. I love you. I love you. I love you. *mwah* -F.B.

I was thinking this morning after I read my chapters... what are we gonna raise our kids someday? I want our family to go to church... I want our family to have faith in God. I just don't know if I wanna raise them Christian, or Catholic. Religion was created by man, not by God. God just want's our obedience, and faith, our heart, our relationship, and to know that Jesus loved us, and died for us- to save us eternally. Perhaps- we should let them decide on their own? I dunno, whatcha think baby? -Sarah

I wanna tell you about the novena thing since you said that kinda bothered you...Yep, it's a catholic thing. But it's not done regularly by Catholics. I guess some just choose to do so like my mom. It's one of those 1-week things. And I just kinda get tagged along to do it with her. I dunno, my mind just tends to wander when doing that. Anyway, it's pretty much just praying the rosary and reciting some prayers. It takes about 20 minutes or so.

About the religion thingie. I agree that people should choose their own religion. But it's also important to kinda just teach the kids to have faith in God, go to church and stuff like that. So, I agree with you baby. Sometimes I feel religion just kinda complicates things though. I know me being catholic may be an issue with you being Christian. But the way I feel is it doesn't really matter what religion as long as we believe in the same God. I love you, -F.B.

We've been through alot these past few years we've been together. And even we though we are so far apart we still have issues arise in our relationship. Things aren't always perfect. Sometimes we get upset with eachother, sometimes we argue. And F.B. refers to me as "His Drama queen". There have been some defining moments in our relationships. Arguments and discussions that have only brought us closer to eachother.

Hey baby, Ack... I always feel like I'm bringing up something that we need to discuss... like the talking thing or the religion thing. I always feel like I'm being so serious, and maybe a little too thoughtful about things at times... sigh, sigh, sigh. See, I wanted to talk about this earlier, but this bothers me way too much to talk about and it has bothered me for a long time now but it's such a weird thing to bring up. And then I start to feel like I'm being one of those jealous girls or something, and that's not how it is, I just need to know some stuff, I guess.

When we were looking at old posts today and me looking at all your old posts- and then I thought someone else had asked you something- but it turned out to be Sarah#1- and I said, "Never mind"- and you asked me, "Does that bother you?" And I said something about "I don't know how to answer that, I don't want to talk about it, never mind." Yeah.... it does bother me, cuz when I look at all those posts- they were around end of November, into December- and just a month later there we were starting off our relationship- right after you had been saying 'Oh you make me smile, oh I missed you.' to someone else....not to mention- with the same name! I guess, I'm just wondering, if you guys were ever close, like us? I guess I just need to know these things, because maybe that would help me to better understand why she was so angry at me right before she left for good- and why she said some of the things she said to me. Yeah so... I dunno... I feel really really weird bringing this up- but it's something that's been on my mind for the past 6 months of our relationship. I love you, Sarah

Sarah#1 and I were never that close. All we had was a forum thing. We flirted around and that was that. We had fun at the boards, though she wasn't around most of the time. I knew she was 18, she lived somewhere in Texas and that she's an Avril fan, that's about it. I e-mailed her a couple of times- Christmas and stuff. But we never really shared stuff about our lives. We never said "I love you" to each other. I guess sometimes, she makes it sound like we were "together" but truly we weren't. It's just that I enjoyed her company around the boards(whenever she was around). I'm quite surprised she got angry at you like that. It's partially my fault, I guess.....sorry. Ya know, I have no problem if you wanna talk about this. If there's anything more you'd like to discuss, feel free to do so. Smile, Sarah. No worries. I love you baby. F.B.

Hi baby. I miss you. I'm sorry I upset you. I just didn't know what to say yesterday with the ym texts, and then when you called, I was just all quiet. It's just sometimes I really don't know what to say. I'm sorry baby. I wish I could just say all the things you'd want to hear and tell you that we'd be visiting sometime soon, but that's really not a sure thing and I was just trying to be honest. Though the possibility is still there, it just doesn't seem like it. It would be nice though to just visit first and get to know each other. I would like that too baby. But I'm just not sure when that would be. I pray that we'll be together soon.

My parents are like "You should finish your studies, so you could go to the states to see Sarah soon.", or so we could just visit as a family and see some of our relatives...They and some relatives in the US actually told me that before even before I knew you. I guess it's a sorta motivation thing to get my studies done soon. Cuz I've been in college for quite some time now. It's kinda embarrassing to think about sometimes. It was stupid of me wasting all that time and wasting my parents' money. I was a bad boy. I guess that's why I just wanna finish my studies soon and kinda redeem myself. I know I've given my parents some headaches before and they'd really be happy when I do graduate soon.

I worry about the height thing too baby. I'm just the little guy and I'm worried that might turn you off. But ya know, I don't really mind that you're taller than me, what really bothers me is that I'm shorter than you. It's not that I'm insecure about my height, it's just that I worry you wouldn't want me because of it. Cuz I know most girls want guys who are taller than them. And I'm just not. I'm just the little guy. I'm just me...And I know it's scary thinking about things sometimes and it's kinda tough answering all those questions cuz we really don't know what's gonna happen. So I understand baby. I feel the same things too. I love you, F.B.

About Ami (that's the girl's name)... well, it's not that she calls or texts me. She just rang my phone once when we were reviewing for exams in the library. Well, I was reviewing then she just came along. I never gave her my number but I guess she could've gotten it from Ken or something. She was my classmate in NSTP last semester, and I did tell you about her before when she handed me this piece of paper with some number in it. I think it was her cellphone number. I dunno. I threw the paper away. And some other time, she was asking stuff about me having a girlfriend and I said "Yes, she's 22". So she knows I have a girlfriend baby. Anyway, awhile ago in school, she sat next to me in one of my classes. She's pretty young...16 or 17, I think. And she's kinda "madaldal". That's talkative in tagalog. And she was asking my birthday and stuff. She even stole a side view pic of me with her cellphone. She's just being friendly, I guess. I don't think she likes me like that. And she did say that she has a boyfriend. I'm sorry if I upset you baby, but I just want you to know stuff. And don't worry baby...I don't want her...It's you I want, it's you that I love. You're my one and only. And you know that I'm all yours baby. I love you so much and I don't want anyone else but you. I love you, -F.B.

I really don't think she likes me like that but I guess there's a possibility. But if she does, I don't get it. How could she like me like that? Sure, we came into the school at the same time and we've been classmates here and there but we barely talk or anything...She can be weird sometimes too. Awhile ago, I was just hanging out at the arcade during lunch break and she was around there with some classmates and saw me. She went up to me and slapped my arm and pinched me kinda playfully but it still hurt. Why'd she do that?...Btw, she's not that girl who asked me to her party. You still remember that eh. LoL! That girl invited the whole class and some other classmates anyway...not just me. haha. Anyway, I guess I could understand about the jealous thing cuz I know I wouldn't want some other guy talking to you or something. I'm your jealous boy, so I understand baby...I just want you to know that I don't want her...it's you that I want. I know you said you don't care about that, but I'll just say it again anyway. And you know that I'm all yours baby...I'm sorry if that got you jealous, but I just want you to know stuff. I don't want you to worry about things. You're my one and only...I love you girlfriend ko. *mwah* -F.B.

About this girl... I am going from girl experience here... and the crushes I have had in the past.... and I think she might like you... Any girl that calls a guy several times, and wants to know why he never texts her. And actually just what you said about how she got upset when you didn't hear her saying hi to you. Okay... if I had a crush on you (actually I love you.. hee hee... but let's pretend.) and I said hi to you... and you didn't hear me or acknowledge me. I would be upset... and I might get angry about it. *Sigh* I love you, Sarah

I'm sorry about the girl thing. But I just felt like sharing stuff to you cuz you're my girlfriend. It wasn't my intention to get you upset or make you jealous...I'm sorry baby. That girl does freak me out sometimes, like that time she got mad for me not hearing her say hi. She really did seem serious about it...weird. Anyway, I'll try to stay away from her baby. I'm all yours. I was thinking about the girl thing...so should I not tell you about those kinda things baby, cuz I don't wanna get you upset or anything like that. I don't intend to get close to any girls either baby. I just feel like sharing things sometimes though. But if you're uncomfortable with it, I'd understand. Cuz it's like you said how I'd be jealous too if you told me stuff. So I understand baby. I love you. *mwah* -F.B.

I'm sorry baby. You probably don't even wanna hear from me right now, but I'm just gonna be sending this email anyway...I'm sorry about awhile ago. I just felt like sharing those things with you cuz you're my girlfriend. I do respect you, that's why I don't hide those kinda things from you. That's why I even asked you if it was ok to do so before telling you. I just wanted to be honest about stuff. And I wish you'd trust me. It hurts for me to hear that you have doubts about that, cuz trust has been a big part of our relationship. I don't want that to get ruined just cuz of some classmate of mine...I know that it worries you sometimes, but I don't want her baby. I don't care about her. It's you that I want. And whenever I do stuff like when I say "I'm not good at that" or something...in my mind, I'm saying "I won't do that cuz I have a girlfriend and I love her"...I guess I'm just not good with words...I know I got you upset, so I'd understand if you wouldn't wanna talk to me. But I'm really sorry. I hope you feel better soon. I'm thinking about you...I miss you. I love you. F.B.

You're right... I don't want to hear from you right now. I'm glad that you're honest with me. I'm always honest with you too. And I want you to tell me stuff. But just because you tell me stuff, doesn't mean I'm not going to have feelings about it or opinions. Or that I'm not going to get upset. I can't promise that. You still don't get it though... I know you don't have feelings for her. I know you don't care about her. I know you love me. But- you don't know what her intentions are. And this new stuff you're telling me- just add’s to my theory.

So she knows you have a girlfriend. So what. That doesn't mean anything. You obviously know her intentions aren't just to be your "friend". She's obviously flirting with you. She's obviously trying to get your attention. So what if she's your classmate. You can't keep playing these things off. If she sits next to you and you're uncomfortable, you move across from her and say something about it, like, "I don't think it's a good idea to sit together like that." If she's saying stuff like smell me... or massage my hands- then duh! Don't play it off, by joking around with her. She's just going to think you're flirting back. You say, something like, "I don't think that would be appropriate." You don't joke back with her! You have to make some boundaries and stick with them.

Or you can say to yourself, "If Sarah was to walk into the room right now, would she be all right with this?" I think that would tell you right off whether you're respecting me or not. It doesn't matter if you don't like her back. But you don't let her sit there and continue to flirt with you. You don't ignore it. You don't joke about it. You say something, that lets her know that it's not okay with you. You don't have to be mean. It can be as simple as, "I don't think that's appropriate." Or, "I don't think that's a good idea.". Letting her sit next to you and letting her say things to you that aren't appropriate for school- is... not right... you're not respecting me when you continue to let her do those things. Whether you ignore it or not. If I had to go to work every day. And there was a younger guy in my unit- and he came by every day and tried to sit next to me at the computer or asked me to smell him. Or tried to touch my hands, or just acted funny around me like he was interested in me, I would let him know that's not okay with me. I would say something to him, whether it hurt his feelings or not. Because I wouldn't wanna lead him on. You're my boyfriend. And it would not be okay if he sat next to me, or tried to touch me, or said things that aren't work related, and weren't appropriate for work. And if he didn't stop. I'd tell my manager.

In your email you said, when she asked you to massage her hands you said, "I'm not good at that." Meaning- it wasn't okay- because I'm your girlfriend. SHE CAN'T READ YOUR MIND, OR READ BETWEEN THE LINES baby... you have to say that. You have to stop and say something like, "I don't think that's a good idea. That's not appropriate for school."

I am worried. If you continue to let her do these things.... what if one day she decides... she's still having trouble getting your attention- so she tries to kiss you. And you don't expect it. And then you're like, "What the hell!?" Then... you've lost our first kiss. Or if she just tries something simple- like going to hold your hand. Or touches your knee, or shoulder. Any of that... is not appropriate. You're my boyfriend... I'm the one supposed to be sharing those things with you. I am upset. I'm upset... because you're just taking that stuff from her, and not saying anything that's going to make her stop. You're just acting like all the others guys in this world. You're supposed to want to stand up for me, and respect me, and take care of me and my heart. You're supposed to be my boyfriend, you're supposed to me my man. The one that's there for me, and will do anything to stop me from getting hurt. I need you....

This is just a big problem right now.... and I'm not happy with it, and you're not listening to me... and I know how girls are. I'm a girl, duh. Jimmy had a girlfriend... you think that stopped me one bit from kissing his cheek that one time years ago? I don't think so... girls aren't afraid of that. All's fair in love and war... which is why you have to be careful and let her know it's not okay with you. And not put yourself in situations, where someone might see you & her sitting together and interpret it wrong. That's how rumors start. And if there's rumors and tsismoso's, or tsismosa's... you know it's gonna get back to me somehow. You can reply to this, but I don't feel like talking... so don't expect any text messages tomorrow. I wish you'd trust me about this. Because you're right... you don't want it to ruin our relationship. I love you... Sarah

I think you're making such a big deal outta this. I kinda feel like you think I'm cheating on you or that I would do so. I feel like I have to defend myself. I know I've hurt your feelings and I'm really sorry, but what about my feelings?...It just hurts hearing from you stuff like you don't know about trusting me or that I disrespect you. And when I read the entries in your xanga...it just sounds like I'm being a bad boyfriend. I dunno, it hurts...I wish you'd trust me. I wish you'd trust me to handle this in my own way. But there's really nothing there. I don't even know her that much. And we don't talk often either. We barely know each other. She's just my classmate...that's all. I know she can get flirty at times, but that's probably just the way she is. I don't flirt back, I don't joke around when I say "I'm not good at that", cuz I seriously don't wanna do it cuz I have a girlfriend. I don't intend to get close to her or any other girl except you...I don't want something like this to ruin our relationship. *sigh* I don't feel so good. I hate myself whenever I get you upset...I'm so sorry. I know this e-mail's kinda short...I'm just a little emotional right now and it's kinda tough finding the words to say. But we'll get to talk more about things in the coming days. I miss you. I love you Sarah. -F.B.

I love you too baby. And I know that everything's not perfect all the time. But it's nice that we talk about things and work things through somehow. And I do agree that it makes our relationship stronger. Cuz we get to know each other better and it gives us more understanding for each other. And I do feel we've been much closer. I feel that each and everyday. And the longer I'm with you, the more I realize how much I love you. I wanna be there for you...I love you Sarah. I do. -F.B.


neo_squared (4:00:21 PM): tell me baby, would you be jealous if I sent a text message to a girl classmate. It's her birthday
neo_squared (4:00:28 PM): *mwah*
christianchickslc (4:00:33 PM): yes...
neo_squared (4:00:50 PM): I won't text her then
christianchickslc (4:00:58 PM): not that girl, the one I don't like mentioned, is it?
neo_squared (4:01:24 PM): it is
christianchickslc (4:01:36 PM): why would you do that then?
neo_squared (4:01:57 PM): just a classmate thing
neo_squared (4:03:07 PM): don't worry baby....it's just that everybody knows it's her birthday cuz she keeps reminding everyone
neo_squared (4:03:56 PM): but I won't text her if it upsets you
neo_squared (4:05:04 PM): baby?

I don't care if you wish that girl a happy birthday in school. But sending her a text message seems so personal. You know I don't like to talk about that girl, I don't know why you would even bring her up, you know it upsets me. You know I have feelings and thoughts about that, that you don't like to hear... I told you not to mention her to me, unless I asked. Otherwise, this is what happens... it causes problems. Because it's an issue, that we don't agree on. So I would rather agree to disagree then argue about it...

I can't believe you threw in my face that, "Well, wouldn't I wish my guy friends a happy birthday?" My guy friends don't HANG ALL OVER ME or touch me, or do any of that stuff you've told me she's done. Otherwise I would know better than to send them a personal text message, that might give them the impression that I was interested in them. I might not think that, but they might think it. And anyway, no. I didn't even wish Jimmy or Brian a happy birthday because they don't care. They don't even remember when my birthday is, so why should I remember theirs? They don't act like my friend, so why should I act like theirs? They are not my friends. The only guy that wished me a happy birthday this year was my boyfriend... the boy that loves me... and cares about me.

I don't care what you do. Because I don't run your life, you do. So you will do what you want. I won't tell you what to do either, because that it none of my business as well, and you won't listen to me anyway. All I can do is give you my thoughts, and tell you how I feel, and that's how I feel. It upsets me. I can't help it, I want to be the only girl in the world that gets your attention. I guess I'm selfish too... I love you... Sarah

I'm sorry baby. It was stupid of me to ask a question like that. I shoulda known that it woulda made you jealous. And you're right, you did tell me not to mention that girl. I guess it just slipped my mind somehow. I'm sorry I got you upset baby. I always screw things up, and I feel really bad about that...That girl doesn't hang all over me though. She's just my classmate in a few of my classes this semester, and we barely talk or anything...I do listen to you, ya know. I care about what you think baby. That's why I asked. But I guess it was stupid to bring something like that up...Stupid me. *sigh*...I'm so sorry baby. I'm sorry for being a jerk...Wish I could make you feel better. I'm thinking about you. I miss you. I love you Sarah. -F.B.

Hey mahal, I miss you too. I'm sorry about things. I'm sorry if I hurt you or made you feel unwanted. I needed time to myself.... long distance relationships are hard... too hard sometimes. It's so stressful sometimes... and sometimes because we talk every day certain things build up, and we end up fighting over something stupid. I know I get sensitive... but I needed a time out from all of that. There are alot of insecurities in our relationship. You know that, and I know that. We know that we love eachother... it's just hard to not have those insecurities when we haven't even met. *sigh* It bothers me alot. I love you so much... and I worry that all of this is going to go away someday. But I was thinking today... even if things don't work out the way we want then to in the future, I hope we will still be really good friends. I don't wanna think about that though... because I do wanna be with you... and I do love you. I do. It's been weird... I think I've been sorta numb this past week. I haven't cried at all... I feel like I should... and I feel like I need too, but I just haven't been able too. I had a few moments here and there, and a whole bunch of pangs of wanting to text you, or email you or something... but I also needed some space. I'm sorry, I love you, Sarah

Hi baby. I missed you. The past week has been kinda boring and weird for me. I just wanted to hear from my girl. And I kinda felt unwanted, un-needed. Sometimes I'd even wonder if you missed me. I wanted to e-mail or text you, but you did say that you wanted a time-out...I respect that baby, but like I said, I just wasn't so happy about it. I remember it would be pretty tough during the night-time, cuz I would just be laying in bed thinking about you, thinking what you were doing or if you were just ok. I really didn't do much during the week. I mostly just played some PS2 and during the night-time around midnight or so, sometimes I'd just watch some cable here in the dining room. I'm just not used sleeping so early and I kinda missed getting online to reply to your email and stuff.... I'm sorry. I love you, F.B.

You did upset me... you know that issue is touchy with me, and I don't like talking about it. I'm glad we talked on the phone, and at least hearing your voice helped me to calm down after awhile... though I'm sorry I hung up on you at first. Aw, I made you cry too? I'm sorry baby... I can't help it... you did upset me. It's just touchy with me. You know I just don't like the way that girl acts/acted around you, even if she does it with everyone. And you saying that to me... I dunno baby I still don't get it. I just worry... I wanna be the only girl for you... I wanna be the only one that gets your attention. And it's selfish and I'm jealous- like you, yes... I can't help it. And you telling me that... I just don't get it baby. Why can't you tell her happy birthday in school? Why a text? It seems so personal that she should know your phone number. I dunno, maybe it's more common there for all your classmates to have eachother's cell phone numbers. But here... I don't give my number out usually... not even to co-workers. I just felt let down, I can't explain it... and I'm sorry if you don't understand or think I'm making a big deal. That's just how I feel. I don't want you to get personal with some other girl... and I worry that you like her... or something, I dunno. It's just... you're the shy guy, you've told me that... so I worry that you wanna text some other girl. That's why I said I don't get it... I know you don't like her like that, I just can't help worrying... and this problem on top of the stress from work and everything, just really really upset me. You did hurt me. I don't like talking about her. And it doesn't seem like we agree on how to handle that situation, so that's why I said that I didn't want you to mention her to me unless I asked, because it just upsets me. I hung up the phone because I was angry with you and then I just cried real hard for awhile. But then I missed you and I felt bad for hanging up with you and leaving things like that... and I need you baby... you're my boy... you're my best friend, I hate when things are messed up between us, I don't like feeling like that either.... I just need you, I need to be near you, and I need to be close to you, I needed to hear your voice, I wanted you to make everything better baby... and you know I love you, you dork... I can't help that, Sarah

I'm sorry I got you upset baby. That was really stupid of me. I still feel kinda bad about hurting you like that. You were really crying on the phone. That made me cry too, ya know. I'm so sorry. I just feel like a bad boyfriend and I guess I deserved it when you hung up the phone on me...You love me, I was just thinking that, cuz you called even though you were mad at me. It was nice that we got to talk and make up baby. I'm sorry...I love you. -F.B.

We made it a year. For the first 12 months every day on the 1st, we would have a "Monthiversary" as F.B. called them. The first 12 months, weren't always easy. There were good times and there were bad times. We talked every day, whether it was through email, online messenger, text messages or the phone. There wasn't a day that we didn't stay in touch somehow. It was amazing, that we were able to stay in touch so well, being so far apart. But we made it work. Despite the distance and time differences, we always made it work somehow. And when we had problems, we talked them out. We still write letters to each other. And on our birthday's & Christmas we send each other gifts. On our 1st Anniversary together, he sent me 12 cards. One for each month we had been together. Still... long distance relationships are tough. We go though all the phases and problems regular couples would have together, yet we are physically apart from each other. Sometimes I miss him so badly. And I know he misses me.

*Whoosh*. I had the worst moment of self doubt there... tell me we're in this for the long run mahal? Cause I don't want to lose you, and I want to know I'll probably be with you someday.... eek.... I gotta run to work. I love you, Sarah

I'm here all the way. I believe in you. I believe in us. I believe that someday we'll meet and be together. Just keep the faith. Remember....."Nothing without faith". Smile, Sarah. No worries. You're in my heart. I love you. F.B.

"Sarah Lynn C." wrote: Hey Mahal, I'm blessed to have guy like you in my life. You're in my heart. It makes me happy to think of you too. I can't stop thinking about you, lol. I'm glad you are in my life. I love you so much. I was thinking about the time I 'thought' I was in love. Well- what we have is different. Because... before, I was never sure or certain about things. With you I'm never not unsure. Because I know you love me. I love you too. I can't explain it- but maybe you understand what I'm talking about. It's just that I am certain about things with you. It's just that I've never felt this way about someone. I've never felt this sure about someone.

Does it ever bother you- that we are so far apart? We speak every day, but sometimes like I said before, it gets lonely. Because I know you are there but all I have is words to work with. It's not like I can get in my car, drive to meet you somewhere. It's not like, I can hold your hand, or hold you, or look into your eyes or even kiss you. All we have are these words... to express ourselves and how we feel. Sometimes, that gets lonely...but at least I can meet you in my dreams.

I wonder what will happen to us in 5 years or so? What do you think? We are bound to meet someday, I think that's pretty much certain, lol. I do think about the future alot. The future, hopefully with you in it and don't get scared, haha, I'm not talking about marriage yet... I'm talking relationship wise. Though of course I think about that sometimes. I think about how nice that would be- if we ever did end up together...forever. Do you know your letter is still in my purse, or that I still look at your picture at night. Silly me, lol. I love you so much, why can't I say that enough? I say it- but I want more. This is so crazy- haha. I must be in love huh? Mahal kita, Sarah

Holy crap! You've been thinking through a lot of things there, Ms. Clydesdale..... I'm happy with what we have. I'm glad I could talk to you through e-mails and stuff. I guess, sometimes it does get lonely when you're wanting a certain someone to be there with you. But those words you share are very important to me. They aren't just words, they're your words. As for the future, I wonder about that too. These little things we're doing are kinda like ways of strengthening our relationship. Who knows, maybe someday..... I gotta get some sleep. Good night, Sarah. Mahal kita.. F.B.

I long for the day
that we finally meet
To stare into your beautiful eyes
To caress your smooth skin
To run my fingers through your silky hair
To hold your soft hands
To kiss your tender lips
To hear your soothing voice
To put a smile on your lovely face
To wrap my arms around you
To make you mine
I long for that day
A day that I pray would come
I long for it

Remember that? I posted that at LF a long time ago. Guess to whom it was intended for. Her initials are SLC. You know already? LoL! Actually, I edited one line- the 2nd to the last one. The original had- " A day that may never come" and I just changed it to- " A day that I pray would come". Take care, God bless. I love you, Sarah. -F.B.

F.B. decided once, that we weren't going to say, "Goodbye" on the phone anymore. That we would just say, "I love you." A deal we still keep to this day. Though once in awhile, when I'm rushing, I slip and forget!

Anyway, I was thinking about what you said in the chat thingie just before you left awhile ago. You said "Goodbye", "I'm done"......That kinda made me sad, actually. Though, I knew you didn't mean it in that way and you were stressing out and stuff.....Aw, I'm sorry baby. I wish I was there to comfort you when you're feeling stressed out or blah. Oh, how I wanna give you a hug. It does get hard sometimes. Being so far apart. Sometimes I ask the Lord why it has to be like this. Why the girl I truly love is so far away from me.....*sigh* I miss you baby. I pray that someday we'll be together. You mean everything to me. You're my best friend, my girl, my angel. I love you so much, Sarah. I need you. I was kinda thinking about the whole "Bye" thing. It would be nicer to say "I love you". That would be a nice "thing" for us (my parents have a similar "thing" they don't say bye on the phone). Anyway- It's a deal, Ms. Sarah Lynn Clydesdale. I love you, F.B.

There are hard times in our relationship, when we miss each other terribly. I use all of these emails and letters to tell our story, because it's better to see them expressed in our own words.

No need to be sorry. You're just being real.....being you. I love you for that. You know I'll listen to you anytime. I miss you too. But I tend to focus on the good things about our relationship. Ya know- the faith that we share, the knowledge that there's someone out who cares and prays for me, the inspiration you give me, etc. Just thinking about it makes me happy. Thinking about you makes me happy. That's why I feel sad when I hear you're sad. If only I could be there right this moment- I would.....just to put a smile on your face.

You're the one person I've been the most open to. Trust me when I say that. It's just that, I'm not really that good in expressing my feelings verbally probably cuz of my shyness. I am the "quiet boy" after all. LoL! It's like I said before, it's easier to type stuff cuz you got time to think things through. But all the things I tell you are honest and come from the heart. I trust you. I want you, Sarah. I want to be with you. I wanna be there for you. To make you smile, to make you happy, to be "the one" for you, to be your "everything". I pray for all of those things....cuz I love you. "Love is patient" Smile, Sarah. No worries. I miss you. I love you. F.B.

I remember when we talked on the phone awhile ago, you asked- "Am I too deep?" and I said "No"......I mean- you are deep, but not "too deep". Ya know.....I understand that you get emotional and thoughtful sometimes cuz that's who you are. You're just being honest, being real. I love that about you. And you know that I'll be here to listen. You could always lay them down on me.

My hopes would be to graduate from college and meet you someday, my dreams would be to be "the one" for you, my strength would be you cuz you make me happy and you make me wanna be a better person, and my weakness would mainly be my shyness. I'm not that good in expressing my emotions. I mean, it's easier to write or type stuff. Writing is you, no doubt. I mean, just reading your e-mails.....Wow! It's one of those things that I admire about you. And writing's pretty much what keeps us in touch. And your writing was what first drew me to you. It kinda brought us together. Smile, Sarah. No worries. I miss you. I love you. *mwah* F.B.

SARAH: You seem quiet or preoccupied today. are you sleepy?
FB: Not really
SARAH: Thoughtful?
FB: Kinda
SARAH: Sleepy or thoughtful?
FB: Thoughtful
SARAH: Whatcha thoughtful about?
FB: You
SARAH: Elaborate... that can mean alot of things, lol.
FB: I'm just thinking how I love you so much
SARAH: But..... how you miss me so much?
FB: That too....and thinking of the first time we'll ever meet
SARAH: Are you scared? Okay... nervous sounds better, lol
FB: Yeah, that was what I was gonna say. LoL!
SARAH: Well... I mean I'm scared... haha. I'm scared it's going to be very awkward.
FB: Well, it would be our first time to see each other in person....so I guess, that'd be normal
SARAH: I wanna be with you.
FB: I wanna be with you too
SARAH: If I could give everything up, and leave everything behind. I would. But somehow I know it's not the right time yet... and that bothers me....
FB: mmmmm hmmmmm
SARAH: uh huh.... that's all you can say? LOL
FB: I'll wait for you.
SARAH: For me? I'm waiting for you.. LOL
FB: cool.
SARAH: Mr. needs to graduate. 3 more years, 3 more years, 3 more years.......
FB: Yep.
SARAH: I'm just here... lol. But you need to finish school. So mostly... it's me waiting for you.
FB: Wait for me then.
SARAH: I'll always wait for you F. I wanna be with you. I'm just going to need to learn alot of patience, if I want to be with the one person that's most important to me.
FB: I love you.
SARAH: I love you too.
FB: Love is patient. haha!
SARAH: I know, lol. But it's not easy. It may be patient. But it didn't say it wouldn't be hard, lol
FB: It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres
SARAH: I love you... you are so good for me... you are so good to me... I'm so blessed...
FB: We're both blessed to have each other
SARAH: And I don't want to let you go, or ever lose you. It's not like I can go back to the way things used to be- cuz you're
such a part of my life.
FB: I'm not going anywhere
SARAH: Neither am I. I love you F.
FB: I love you too

Sometimes were harder than others. We had moments of self doubt and insecurities. When you're in a relationship with someone for so long, yet you haven't been with them physically, there is always going to be doubts and insecure feelings....

I do miss you baby. And I do worry about things. It’s true though that I’m not that emotional. I'm sorry I disappoint you sometimes. But I do feel the things that you do too. I guess it’s just that sometimes I’m not really that good with words. But I do worry about us, cuz I care about you and I wanna be with you. I wanna be the one for you. Ya know, sometimes I think “what if we met and Sarah didn’t like me”. I think about that a lot cuz ya know me, I’m insecure…Do you still love me baby? I love you, F.B.

Ya know, sometimes I feel like I could never be the man for you. Though I know I’d want to. I dunno…I guess sometimes I just feel like I’m not good enough for you. I wanna be perfect for you but I just can’t and I hate myself whenever I upset you. I mean, I’ve done that a number of times already and it’s just not a good feeling. Sometimes I wonder why you love me so much or why you spoil me so much. Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve that. But I want it baby. I want your love. I need it…I need you. -F.B.

We confided secrets in eachother. We told eachother things we would never tell anyone else. And we talked and discussed things when they were on our mind. We always supported eachother and we were always there for each oother through the hard times. The best part of our relationship, is that we understand eachother. We get eachother. F.B. is the positive attitude to my negative attitude. We complete eachother in someway.

I need you... I can't let you go, I can't give you up, I love you so much, and you're so important to me. You complete me in some way... and I don't think I'll ever find someone else that makes me feel they way you do, or someone that treats me the way you do, someone that makes me feel special, and who loves me so much. Someone I get along with, and someone I trust, and someone I can be silly with... lol. I love you, Sarah

I got home earlier than usual cuz of that dean's lister's assembly thing during the afternoon. I didn't go though. Ya know me, I don't like going to social stuff like that. And people were bugging me asking why I didn't go...I just don't want to. They don't understand. But you do baby. You really do. You just understand my dorky ways and me being a quiet boy. And you love me despite all that. I'm a lucky guy. I love you, F.B.

You gave me the heart thing this morning, when you said I understand you. I do understand baby. I don't like big social gatherings. I am okay with small groups of family or friends. But I feel self conscious and funny and anti social and shy in large groups or gatherings. I don't like parties so much. I would rather stay at home sometimes, then attend a party or anything like that... I feel out of place. You're right. Why don't people understand? Why do they feel like they have to drag you into the middle of it all? It's like they feel sorry for us. Like we are missing out on something?! But I don't feel sorry, because I honestly don't have fun at parties. I don't enjoy them... I just feel overwhelmed. I don't like having to be "on" I like to zone out, lol... and not have to be social all the time.

I was thinking... this morning, how before in my life... I always went for guys (or had a crush on guys.) who were the outgoing center of attention type... but that always made me feel like crap! (Why did I do that to myself!?) Because all I wanted to do was sit on the sidelines. And that's what I did, just sit, watching them have fun.... while I was all alone with no one, and it sucked and it hurt bad. But then I met you... and you understand me too baby. And I would rather have someone sit on the sidelines with me, holding my hand and being with me. Then having some obnoxious outgoing guy that goes off in the crowd and leaves me all alone to be by myself. That's not what I want. I want you. I want to hang back in the crowd, and sit off by ourselves, being our shy anti-social selves, lol! Because we will always have eachother. And when we are feeling insecure we will have eachother's hands to hold, and eachother's ears to whisper in, and eachother's company. And that's all I want. I want you. I need you in my life. *mwah* I love you, Sarah

I gave you the heart thing eh. That's nice to know baby. It's always good knowing I still do that to you. You do understand me baby. You know I'm not the type to go to social stuff and parties and stuff like that. You're right, I just don't enjoy stuff like that. And it just feels weird when you're in some place you really don't want to be in. Some people just don't understand that. Sometimes my family doesn't understand that either. But they know I'm the shy guy...Anyway, I'm glad I can share these things with you baby. I do trust you. And like I said before, I feel like I can tell you just about anything. I love you Sarah. -F.B.