New Beginnings...

I never thought I’d be writing my own love story…

When I was around seven years old I starting writing books. Some of my earlier works were created on construction paper, mostly about lost dogs or cats that misbehaved. When I was a teenager I wrote about romance. Stories all about ordinary people falling in love under extraordinary circumstances. (In other words, fairy tales.) I never imagined that my own story would be just as exciting, or that it would keep me turning the pages anticipating the ending. Only my story doesn’t have an ending yet. It’s just beginning….

September 2003:

I had just turned 21 years old. My cousins & I had gone to the movies to see the Disney remake of ‘Freaky Friday’ starring the actress Lindsay Lohan. I had learned to play guitar two years prior and I was enthralled with a few of the songs in the film. I went searching online for guitar chords, hoping I could play this one particular song. But the movie was too new and I didn’t have any luck. I did however, stumble upon a forum called, ‘Lindsay Fans’. Where fans could post and discuss the actress Lindsay Lohan. I decided to sign up under the screen name ‘Punkchick82’ and I posted a thread asking if anyone knew the guitar chords to the song I wanted to learn. It wasn’t long before someone replied to my thread and posted the guitar chords for me. I never did learn how to play that song…

Over the next few weeks and months I would browse online at the forum, reading what other fans had to say. The community was under supervision of the more mature webmasters that ran the website. If you acted out you were banned for a certain amount of time and restricted from the forum. Kept it up and you were banned for good. Bad mouthing, vulgar language was always filtered. After all, Lindsay Lohan had a lot of younger fans.

I didn’t start posting a lot right away. I’d just log in, read what messages other members had posted. I wasn’t all that familiar with what a web forum was and it didn’t really interest me at first to include myself in discussions or talk with the other members. The place was very laid back and had a family atmosphere to it. You could joke around, act silly, and even though the majority of topics were about Lindsay Lohan, there were lots of off topic conversations as well. It really started to grow on me after awhile, and I wanted to be part of the group and not just observe. I started replying here or there at first, terrified what the other member’s responses would be. At first I stuck to the ‘Lindsay’ topics and avoided the off topic section, I still felt like an outsider.

Late October was around the time when the member ‘Neo-Genesis’ first appeared. I didn’t pay much attention. I was still in my observing phase then and all the user names blurred together. It was months later when F.B. explained to me that his screen name Neo Genesis meant, “New Beginning.” I think it was for both of us.

January 2004:

It wasn’t until late January that I started posting on the forum a lot. By that time it was easy for me to tell the members apart and recognize who was a regular and who wasn’t.

There was another ‘Sarah’ on the boards, so I got stuck with the nickname ‘Sarah #2’ and that’s what everyone usually called me. I wasn’t an outsider anymore. I got to know a few people and even made a few close friends. We would see each other online and joke around or talk about different topics in the forum. Neo-Genesis was one of those people I talked with. He had a corny sense of humor and we liked a lot of the same bands. We always had fun joking around and posting on the boards. I didn’t talk with him anymore then I talked with anyone else but he started to stand out to me…

On one occasion in the forum he had typed the name ‘Sarah’ over and over. Intentionally meant for the original Sarah, I couldn’t help being annoyed at seeing my name typed over and over:

Thread: How do we know that, none of us are actually Lindsay

Neo-Genesis @ Jan. 23 2004, 09:21PM

SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH

Punkchick82 posted: Jan 24 2004, 08:17PM:

Woah... Chill Neo! Sarah #1 isn't here. But I am. Can you quit saying my name, lol. Btw- *looks suspiciously at Neo* "How do I know you're not really Lindsay?" Bwhahaha!

Padfoot9 posted: Jan. 24 2004, 03:11AM:

That's true dedication right there. Whoever you are Sarah, you should embrace Neo for the rest of your life.

Punkchick82 posted: Jan 24 2004, 11:51PM:

LOL! I think I'm a little old for Neo, lol.

LLSuperfanatic1219 posted: Jan 24 2004, 11:58 PM:

Sarah #2, Neo's 24!!!!!!

Punkchick82 posted: Jan 24 2004, 11:59 PM:

Neo's 24!? wow! LOL! I didn't know that. Okay, then I'm too young for him, LOL! :-p

LLSuperfanatic1219 Posted: Jan 25 2004, 12:00AM:

LOL!!!! Three years isn't that big of a difference Ms. "Drama Queen!"

Punkchick82 posted: Jan 25 2004, 12:01AM:

Lol. you're right.

LLSuperfanatic1219 posted: Jan 25 2004, 12:06AM:

If I had been incorrect, I don't think I would've said that!!!!

Punkchick82 posted: Jan 25 2004, 01:38AM:

Very interesting. :-)

So I acted nochalant, hehe! Finding out that Neo was older than I had first expected, was interesting to me. Like I said, he began to stand out to me, I enjoyed joking around with him and spending time with him on the forum. Still where was this heading? I didn’t even know this guy personally. I knew next to nothing about him, except that he like Maroon 5, The black eyed peas, Basketball and of course Lindsay Lohan. This was crazy… I couldn’t have feelings for someone I’d never met! I didn’t even know his real name!

It wasn’t long though before my feelings started to reveal themselves right into my posts:

Thread: My poem about my ex-best friend

Neo-Genesis posted Jan. 25 2004,06:49PM:

Where's my advil?.....I need my advil!

Punkchick82 posted: Jan 26 2004, 05:56PM:

Here Neo, *hands Neo a bottle of advil* Take two and call me in the morning. (But then again, you might need more than just two hanging around these boards, lol.

Neo-Genesis posted Jan. 26 2004,07:26PM:

Sure. I'll call you, Sarah#2, but you forgot to give me your phone number......Can I have it, can I, can I? Huh, huh, huh? (just playin')

Punkchick82 posted Jan. 26 2004,12:56PM:

LOL! You don't need my number Neo, all you have to do is say my name, and I'll be there. woah... mental flashback of parents frightening oldies.... wasn't that a song?

Neo-Genesis posted: Jan 27 2004, 01:31PM:

SARAH#2!!!!!!!!!! *cricket sounds, tumbleweed blows by*

Punkchick82 posted: Jan 27 2004, 05:56PM:

HAHAHA! You crack me me up Neo. BTW... where are we, if
there's tumbleweeds blowing by?

We were just playing at first. We would flirt back and forth on the boards acting silly, but it started to become apparent that Neo might be having similar feelings…

Punkchick92 posted: Feb. 04 2004,09:01PM

You mean spam in a can? Or computer spam, cuz if you luv it Neo, then I can certainly spam up your pm box, hee hee.

Neo-Genesis posted: Feb. 04 2004,09:03PM

Yeah, spam in a can....
And Sarah#2, if you spammed up my Pm box that would ROCK my world.

Punkchick92 posted: Feb. 04 2004,09:06PM

Watch out then....

Neo-Genesis posted: Feb. 04 2004,09:09

I'll be looking forward to it.

There was a private message feature in the forum. That acted almost like email. You had your own personal inbox and you could message other members. The very first private message I ever sent Neo was the lyrics to a Michelle Branch song.

'Cause you're Everywhere to me. And when I close my eyes, it's you I see You're everything I know, that makes me believe I'm not alone…'

This was the first of many messages Neo & I would send back and forth to each other. We sent each other messages almost every day.

Hi Sarah! "Kumusta ka?"- that's Tagalog (my native language) for "How are you?".

"Salamat"- that's Tagalog for "Thank You". Thanks for the info on "Sleepless.....". I've probably watched little bits of it cuz I remember a scene where this kid is calling a radio station. Maybe next time, I'll get to watch the whole thing.

Time check: *thinking* "It's 2:30 a.m. here, that means it's 1:30 in the afternoon at Sarah's. I wonder what she's doing.....Hmmmmm."

Thanks for making me smile, I'll see ya when I see ya. Take care, God bless, F.B.

It was then Neo, became F.B. to me, or simply F for short. (Though he remained Neo on the forum itself whenever we talked.) He was 24 years old, he lived in the Philippines. He went to college, he had a younger sister, and still lived at home.

1. Full name: F.B. Felizen Christopher S. Bernardo.....pretty long, eh? F.B. is the initials of my Dad, Felizen is a combination of my parents' names (Felicisimo & Zenaida), Christopher (St. of travellers-my Dad's a ship captain, remember?) and S. stands for Salazar (Mom's maiden name).

I speak both tagalog and English equally. But I'm more comfortable reading and writing in English and there's still some tagalog words I'm confuzzled with. And when I'm thinking things through, I think in English......like right now- "I wonder when my letter's gonna arrive at Philly?". Confession: When I talk to myself (not aloud, but through my mind), I talk in English.....Yes, I'm crazy. LoL! Smile, Sarah. F.B.

We started to get to know each other more personally. And it became more obvious as the months passed that we were both starting to have feelings for each other.

Thread: Poems... poems... poems!!!:

Punkchick82 posted: Mar 2 2004, 05:24AM:

Okay... I'm still stuck in writer’s block mode. But I managed to squeeze out the beginnings of a sappy song.... so I thought I'd share what I have so far,

Verse 1: (not finished..) As the sun starts to set, a new day begins, I'm staring out the window pane, wondering what life for you will bring..................

Chorus: If I close my eyes, I see your smile.
And it feels like we're closer than a thousand miles.
When I close my eyes, I feel your hand in mine.
Your kiss on my cheek sweeter than wine
I want you here.... with me
But maybe this was the way things were meant to be
Living our lives separately.

I'm aggravated by those last two lines of the chorus, it sounds way too much like Michelle Branch, arrgh, but I can't think of another way to say it. Oh well, it's only a rough draft!

That's all I've got for now, lol.

Neo-Genesis posted: Mar 2 2004, 01:47PM:

That's nice, Sarah#2.....It kinda reminds me of you.

Btw, I think I've got poster's block. LoL!

Punkchick82 posted: Mar 3 2004, 02:58AM:

Neo, I wonder why it reminds you about me. *blushes furiously*

Neo-Genesis posted: Mar 3 2004, 12:58PM:

Hmmmm, let's see.....maybe it's because I feel that way for you, Sarah#2? Whatcha think?

Punkchick82 posted: Mar 3 2004, 03:14PM:

Maybe cuz it's about you... lol.

Neo-Genesis posted: Mar 4 2004, 11:48AM:

WOW! Then we feel the same way for each other, Sarah#2.

Punkchick82 Posted: Mar 4 2004, 01:04PM:

You just realized this Neo? lol.

We started emailing eachother outside the forum. I could check email on my phone while I was at work and almost every day I would find a short message from F.B.

I cannot forget Refuse to regret So glad I met you Take my breath away Make everyday Worth all of the pain I have gone through

Those are lines from another Maroon5 song- "The Sun". It's pretty straightforward really- I'm glad that I got the chance to know you, Sarah.....Well, that's my junk mail. See ya. F.B.

It was nice getting to know eachother and it didn't seem weird that only a few months prior we had been complete strangers. We were still complete strangers... I hadn't seen a picture of him yet and he had never seen a picture of me. I finally got brave enough to share a picture of myself when someone started a thread asking members to post their pictures. F.B. pm-ed me about it when he saw:

When I look at your pic- I see the girl I have fun with, the girl that makes me smile, the girl that makes me happy, the girl I like, the girl I love.....I see you, Sarah (Though where are your ears? LoL!). It's nice to see a smile on your face. Is there ever a time I put a smile on yours? Maybe you'll get to see a pic of me someday. That is, when I figure out how to do it. LoL! Have a nice day. Take care, God bless. F.B.

I hadn't told anyone about F.B. yet. I was afraid of stereotyping, that people would think I was out of mind. Sometimes I felt out of mind. What was I doing? He was so far away and how would we ever get together? Still... he had relatives in the United States so it was possible that we would meet one day. But still, what was I doing having feelings for someone I had never met? Had never seen a picture of? It was weird. It just felt right, I can't explain it. Like we were meant to be together.

My Cousin Chrissy & I were hanging out one day in late March. I had bought Maroon 5's c.d. because F liked them so much and 'She will be loved' was sort of our song at the time. I remember being in the car with my cousin listening to Maroon 5 and somehow I mentioned that a guy had recommended the c.d. to me. My cousin immediately asked, "Jimmy?" Jimmy was one of my close friends from church that I had alot of history with. I said "No... it was some another guy." I left it at that even though she was pretty curious. Eventually I wrote her an email about what had been going on for the past few months. I was afraid of her judging me or giving me a lecture. But she was understanding and wished I had told her about us sooner.