Defining the Relationship.

F.B. & I would meet each other online at the forum and sent private messages back and forth. This was before we took the step to download any online messengers like AIM or Yahoo. April, 1st, (April Fools Day) 2004, was the day we defined our relationship and finally expressed our feelings for one another.

There was a thread on the forum where members were posting poems or songs they had written. The one night, I had written a poem about F.B. and decided to post it. Turns out he had written one about me too.

It's complicated
It's all too real
These feelings
Like an open book
You read me
See me for me

And it's the first time
I'm feeling again
I'm exposed
I can't hide away
Cause you've changed me

So let me put my heart
On the line
For you to unwind
Cause you're what
makes my day.

-Sarah
I've never seen You
And yet I know You're beautiful
I've never spoken to You
And yet I feel that I can tell You anything
I've only known You for awhile
And yet I trust every word You say
I've never met You
And yet I feel that I've known You all my life
I've never been anywhere close to You
And yet I feel You here with me
Why?
I ask myself
Perhaps it's because
I Love You

[NEO]
Aw, did you write that last night, or did you write it up after you saw mine? lol. I wrote my poem/thoughts whatever last night before I went to bed. It was one of those times, where I needed to get my thoughts out. When I read your poem, I apply it to you F. Right down to the last line. -Sarah

I'm glad you like it. I actually wrote that 2 nights ago but I wasn't sure of posting it cuz you might think I'm some psycho freak. LoL! [NEO]

I think you're the opposite of a psycho freak. You're just a freak. I'm kidding, kidding F! And I think I do love ya F.B. -Sarah
WOW! Ya think?.....I know I love ya, Sarah. ! [NEO]

Well, I guess I say I 'think' I love you. Because, the way I grew up, love was like- two neighbors or friends, falling in love and getting married. And that's what I thought would happen to me. But I don't know... maybe that's not what God has planned. I've never met you F. I've never seen your interactions, or expressions, looked into your eyes, or even heard your voice. But I do know your personality, thoughts, emotion's, and heart. And I know I love you when it comes to that. Ack... holy crap. I said those three little words! Love you much, Sarah
Gotta go now, Sarah. Good night. I love you too. [NEO]

By the way, you do realize it's April Fools day? Are we a couple of fools? LOL! Take care, sweet dreams. I love you. -Sarah

Fools in love.....perhaps. LoL! Love you, F.B.
We told each other "I love you." it was a big step in our relationship. It confirmed the feelings we were having for each other. It didn't matter that we hadn't met. We had spent the past several months talking nearly every day. I still felt crazy... falling for someone I had never met. There were alot of insecurities too, but at that moment we decided to take the risk. And it was worth it.

Punkchick82 @ April 04 2004,19:12:
I looked this up on-line, so I'm not sure if it's correct or not, but: Mahal kita, F.B. If I said it right in Tagalog, then you know what I mean. -Sarah
Yep, you got right. You can also say:

"Mahal na mahal kita"- I love you so much.
"Mahal din/rin kita"- I love you too.
"Mahal ko"- My love
Mahal din kita, Sarah.

-F.B.

Hey F.B., I just knew that you were going to say something about the song, 'It's gonna be love' Now how did I know this? I'm psychic. Well... at least with you, I am. ;-) I love that song too. And it is a powerful song... maybe more so when you're thinking about someone you like... maybe even love. Gosh F, when I read your message on my phone, I couldn't stop smiling...
FB wrote: I first heard that song through the movie- "A Walk to Remember". I've been listening to it today from the soundtrack. And it's true that it reminds of you too. There's this other song by Mandy Moore that I like- "It's Gonna Be Love". I think the lyrics in there are really powerful (or maybe I'm just in love with you). There's a lot of emotion to it.....I like it. Smile, Sarah. Have a nice day.

Hey Mahal ko, This going to be one of those serious pm's, lol. (Though the laugh, prolly just made it less serious, ack! lol.) I was thinking about us. And where we stand in this whole mess of a "relationship" lol. Do we actually call it a relationship? I mean, I take it very seriously. I wouldn't take the time to get to know you, if I wasn't serious about you. So, what I'm trying to get to is, if one day, some guy comes up to me and says, "Hey, would you like to go out?" How am I going to answer? Would you like to know how I would answer? I'd say, "I can't, cuz I'm already involved with someone." That's how serious, I am about you. I don't want to go out with anyone else, I just want you. So... that's why I'm trying to define "us". I love you, and want to get to know you more, and who knows where that will take us. Only time will tell. And I think you're just as serious about it, as I am. I believe you when you say you love me. I love you too. And if you are just as serious, then I guess we can say we have a relationship. And you could take my word F, that if some guy asked me out, I'd say, "I can't. I'm already in a relationship." What do you think? It's kinda hard to define, cuz you're so far away from me. But that's how I feel about you. About us. I love you much, Sarah
What we have is definitely a relationship. And I am just as serious as you are with it. I've never been in any sort of relationships before and I don't intend to pursue anyone now that I know you. You and I have something special here. It's kinda weird though, being so far away and not having met yet. Sometimes I'm surprised that you feel that way for me.....but only because I feel the same way for you. I love you, Sarah. -F.B.

I'm surprised all the time, that you love me back. I'm surprised sometimes, by the way I feel about you. It's like this rush of 50 billion emotions all at once. I'm serious about you. About us. And I'm so happy you feel the same way. I don't want to get to know anyone else but you either. So if someone ever did ask me out, I'd say no. Because I love you that much. You're so special to me F, and you're right, what we have is special. It is tough being so far away from each other. And the fact that we've never met. But ya know... relationships take time. And even if we are this far apart, if we're still interested in each other two years from now, who knows what could happen. Eventually, I'd like to talk to you. And hopefully someday we'll get to meet each other. I mean, eventually we would have to, lol. Because if we love each other, and we work well in a relationship this way. Then we'd have to see if we worked well in a relationship together in person. But we have all the time in the world. Love is patient. Love takes time. Relationships take time. And I do love you. I'd wait as many years as it would take, just to be with you. Gosh... I am so blessed to know you, F. I love you, Sarah
You're right.....Love takes time. If it's gonna happen, it'll just happen. Just like the way we got to know each other. Nothing being forced, nothing being rushed. In any case, whatever happens.....I love you, Sarah. -F.B.

Hey F, I finished the story about us tonight. It's 7 pages long. I actually had to condense it a little, because I didn't want it to get too long, after all it's supposed to be a "short story" not a novel, lol. Anyway here it is. *blushes* again. Maybe someday this story, will kinda come true. Luv ya! Smile, take care! God bless! *~Sarah~*

FB wrote: HOLY CRAP!!! My cheeks are on fire, my ears are all red, and my heart is pounding. Sarah, I can't believe you actually wrote this. WOW! OMG, this is just too much for me to take.*deep breath*.....I gotta tell you though, I wish I was as smooth as that guy in the story. LoL! That last part actually brought a tear to my eye. I'm such a sap with this kinda stuff. You really are something else, Sarah.....Thanks. Ya know, my parents were pen pals for 8 months before they met. They were "together" for 28 months before eventually getting married- they were 26. My Mom was a grade school teacher then(now she's a housewife), while my Dad was a seaman(he wasn't a captain yet during that time). They're both from the Philippines.....Mom came from Luzon (North), Dad came from Mindanao (South). Smile, Sarah. Have a nice day. Luv ya back. F.B.

FB wrote: Hi Sarah! That's a great story about my parents, eh? My Mom's co-teacher knew my Dad. She gave him my Mom's name and address, Dad wrote to her, Mom wrote back. And that's basically how it started. They've been married for 25 years and yet they are so much in love. They still celebrate stuff like "first date", "first kiss", "first holding hands"(Yep, you read that right), stuff like that. LoL!.....Anyway, I never thought I'd meet someone that way. But ya know, you're kinda like my pen pal or cyber pal, or e-mail buddy, whatever. I wonder if we'll meet someday. And I understand about expressing your feelings through writing cuz that's the way I am too. I guess that's what kinda brought us together. I feel good sharing to you all of this stuff. Smile, Sarah. Have a nice day. Luv ya. F.B.

Used to your ways? I love your ways. I love everything about you. I love YOU.....just the way you are. Your thoughts are important to me too. So, feel free to express yourself. I'm here all the time. "Nothing without faith"- Faith gives you strength, it inspires you, it uplifts you, it shows you the way. I have faith in God and I have faith in you. You're a blessing from God and I thank Him for giving me the chance to know you. Haha! Isn't that odd- about missing someone you've never even met? I miss you and you're always in my thoughts. That's definitely a first for me- I've never felt like this for anyone ever. I'm still asking myself- "How'd that happen?" but I also keep saying- "I'm glad it did happen". I'm happy you're in my life. I love you, Sarah. F.B.
April was the month we took alot of risks. Telling each other, "I love you." was just the start. It wasn't long, before I was thinking about exchanging addresses and writing each other letters. Now THAT was a big risk, for the both of us. It was probably the most defining part of our relationship, because it made things more real, more personal. It proved this wasn't just some game we were playing, that our relationship was real, and this was happening.

Hey F... I was sitting in church today thinking about you, and smiling oh so much. Jessie remarked to me today when I was over their house, "You're way too happy." LOL! I said, "I'm sorry! I'll try to not be so happy, want me to think about something sad?" lol. Thinking about you makes me happy, I can't help feeling any other way. Anyway... I was thinking about how your parents met- and eventually.... down the line... if you wanted to... I was thinking, maybe we could write each other letters. Not all the time... since email is so darn convenient. But maybe sometimes.... that would be so nice... lol. Take care. God bless, Smile. I love you too, Sarah

Hi Sarah! HOLY CRAP! .....Way too happy? Really? You must've been grinning like nuts for Jessie to say that. LoL! Anyway, making you happy makes me happy. And knowing that I put a smile on your face makes my day. I'm taking up Psychology right now. I took up Computer Science for almost 2 years but I shifted to another course when I transferred. You wanna write letters, eh?.....Sure. I'd like that. Smile, Sarah. I love you. Take care, God bless. F.B.

Letters would be nice, once in awhile. Letters are so much more personal... letters would make things feel more real. I mean they already feel real enough, but I think you know what I mean. You should write me first. lol! Besides, in my entire 21 years, I've always been the one to initiate stuff, and most of the time it never got me anywhere... because the feelings weren't mutual. But... they are mutual with you. I want to be old fashioned, (in the sense, of a guy/girl relationship.) I'll talk to you later. Take care. Smile! Love you back, Sarah

Hi Sarah! I'm taking up Psychology.....And as for reading your mind- I can say that you're quite happy and that perhaps you're in love. Am I right? LoL. As for the letter thing.....Sure, I'll write to you first. If you wanna do it, I'm all for it. Smile, Sarah. I love you. - F.B.

Well what do you know- those Psychology classes must be paying off. Yes, I'm happier than I've been in the last 21 years of my life. And... why yes Professor Bernerdo, I do believe I am in love. How did that happen? I do want to do the letter thing and yeah... if I get a letter from you- then Jessie will really yell at me for being happy, LOL. Ack... but now I'm all scared, and nervous, and excited all at the same time. Because you're YOU, and you're REAL. And this is REAL. And I do love you. You'll have to send me your address too. But, I'll be nice, and give you mine first.... Ack... well... here it is. I love you, Sarah

Hi Sarah! So, you're happier than ever.....Good for you, that's nice to know. And you're in love.....lucky guy. LoL! HOLY CRAP!!! I didn't expect you to give me your address right away. WOW! LoL! You really do trust me, eh? Thanks. Here's my address. I'll send you a letter some time soon. I'll send you a pic when I do so. And yes, you are pretty. And you know how much I love ears. LoL! Smile, Sarah. No worries. Take care, God bless. I love you. F.B.

Hey F, Did you ever think things would get this serious? I didn't. When I first saw you on the boards, I thought of you as a friend that I could joke with, and then as we Pm-ed each other more, and I got to know you, I liked you, alot. Then... I realized, I loved you. I didn't expect any of it, it just kind of happened. You kinda of happened. Love you much. Smile, Sarah

I didn't expect anything like this either. I just wanted to goof off around the boards. But you were just too darn likeable for me to resist. LoL! So, I started Pm'ing you and stuff, then it's like you said- it just happened. Also, it's a good thing my Mom dragged me to watch "Freaky Friday" cuz if it wasn't for that, I wouldn't know anything about the forum and I'd probably be in bed right now sleeping instead of writing this Pm to you. LoL! Thanks to my Mom and Lindsay, I got to know you! I'm such a lucky guy. I love you, Sarah. F.B.

A few days after we first said, "I love you." and exchanged addresses. The Lindsay fan forum closed unexpectedly. It left us feeling sort of lost, because after so many months it had become almost like a 2nd home, talking with our friends. And being able to private message each other back and forth. It was where we first met, and alot of our history was lost when the forum closed.

Sarah wrote: Did you see what's going on with the boards?! I tried to log in, to check if I had any messages, and the boards are offline. Infact... it says the boards are merging with location lohan- and the lindsayfans boards won't exist anymore! It says to hurry up over to locationlohan.com , to create a user name. But... gosh F... that's so so sad. I want to cry. I've been coming to this place for almost a year.... it's where I met you. How can they do that? That really sucks.... gosh... is it stupid to cry over something like this? Because I feel like crying. -Sarah

Hi Sarah! It is kinda sad, we won't probably see those posts we've made in the past. Anyway I guess it means better things to come. Maybe locationlohan will have an overhaul sometime soon now that there's gonna be a merge. I registered awhile back with the same username- "Neo-Genesis" but I still haven't gotten the e-mail from locationlohan so I still can't do any posting. But don't cry, we'll probably be doing the same ol' things, only now it'll be in a slightly different place. Things change, ya know. Smile, Sarah. No worries. Take care. I love you. F.B.
It really never was the same. Even though we occasionally posted at the new forum, nothing could ever replace the first forum we had met on.

Around mid April, I received F.B.'s first letter. Was that ever nerve wracking?! I remember my hands were shaking the very first time, I held a letter from him, looking at the Philippine postmark, and checking out his writing. We were both online at the time when his letter came.

Hey F, YOU MAILED IT!? Don't be teasing me now mahal, lol -Sarah

Haha! I mailed my letter Monday(April 12). I wonder when you'll get it....."Snail mail" indeed. Lol! I love you. -F.B.

HOLY CRAP! Right after I just sent this message, I went to see if the mailman had brought your letter, and guess what! I'm holding it in my hands RIGHT NOW! hahaha, I'm so excited, my hands are shaking, lol. -Sarah

HOLY CRAP!!! So, you gonna read it already? This is kinda embarrassing, my pic's right there.....SHEESH!!!

Holy crap, I just read your letter, my hands are still shaking mahal. lol. Hey Mr. B. you are cute! But... you might have to shave your little mustache for me, haha. It's just one of my peeves I guess. Your sis is so cute! Aw! I'm so happy right now, I can't believe you started writing my letter right after you got my address, haha. Now I'm going to have to go work on yours tonight! -Sarah

So, you read it already, eh? The pic's kinda crapped out, I would've had it recopied but I couldn't find the film. And about my mustache(actually, I call them whiskers. LoL!), I actually shaved them on New Year's Eve right when we arrived from Hong Kong. -F.B.

Your printing is so nice too, hee hee, I love it! I love you! Haha, and you shaved! Good thing! Smooth faces are so much better. Sheesh... why are my hands shaking still? I keep holding onto your letter. You are so tan, lol. I'd be the whitest girl in the world next to you. I never tan, I burn- lol. I burn bright red! LOL. -Sarah

Really? I never thought I was tan.....You like my handwriting, eh? Thanks. But seriously, when I started writing in cursive- I was really surprised at how hard it took for me to get it. LoL! Love you back. -F.B.
Haha, you live where its summer all the time, how could you not be tan Mr. B.?! Yep, like I said I never tan, lol... everyone in the summer time is like, "Sarah, you're so white- get some sun." And I'm like, "I am in the sun, I just don't tan- I burn, lol." -SLC

I was wondering.....would you have checked the mail if I hadn't told you about it a while ago? That was kinda weird- just when we were talking about it, it finally shows up. LoL! -F.B.

Hi Sarah! Here's something interesting- my parents were penpals for like 8 months or so, right? But they never knew what each other looked like until the day they actually met. Anyway, I've been bringing your letter to school. I love reading it. Btw, I remember you saying one time that you might edit your letter before sending it to me. Well, did you? Or am I reading the "original"? Oh yeah, I remember- you did love me even before seeing my pic. Well, it was the same for me. I loved you ever since I called you Sarah#2. Smile, Sarah. No worries Have a nice day. I love you. -F.B.

Ya know, I did like you even before seeing your pic. In fact, I think I loved you already right there. I just admired your writing and your faith. And I had lots of fun with you around the forum too. Haha! Those crazy posts and those nice pms at LF...Ahhh, the memories. I'm so glad I bumped into you.....Who woulda thought? LoL! What a lucky guy I am to have found such a special girl. You're such a blessing and I am forever thankful that you allowed me to be part of your life. I need you, Sarah.....I love you so much. -F.B.